Saturday, June 24, 2017

JUNE 24 [rambled thoughts] [internal monologue]

It's your birthday. You might be reading this, or not, ha! Anyway, kumusta? It's been three days since I decided to leave. 2 days since I unfriended you (?) very millenial, lol. It's been 6 months since I got to know you. Sana pinakinggan mo lahat ng kantang binigay ko. I'm still sorry for leaving. I just...I don't know, got fed up with "you are special to me";"go with the flow lang, bahala na";"ang alam ko lang, masaya ako." Daaaaaaamn. They sound so good at first, but man, ang hirap ng sitwasyon na yun! I got tired, sorry. I concluded na wala nang patutunguhan since you were like that for the past six months, so I decided to leave. I figured out, I cannot take it any longer. Hindi kita ma-plastic. Hindi ko matanggap sa sarili ko na hindi mo kayang mag-commit. But oh, well! I pray that you are doing well today. I mean, hindi rin naman ako masyadong malaking kawalan sa'yo, haha! Yeah, drink with the guys? Saturday night and it's your birthday. I am actually thinking of giving you a message or a  call, but, I don't know, I feel like it is not needed anymore. We already said our goodbyes. Wag na diba? Hahaha! Though, umaasa pa rin akong lalabas yung pangalan mo ulit sa messenger ko, iilaw yung phone ko tapos pangalan mo yung lalabas. But I guess, not gonna happen anymore. We were like literally Rachel and Ross, except that I took that plane anyway and did not come back for good. Mahirap kang kalimutan, yes. Eh, hello, you are the first person to even introduce me to his mother, pero, daaang, wala, friends pa rin?? Hahaha! Akala ko, seryoso na yung step na yun! Akala ko, yun na talaga! Pero, wala, e. Haha! Sige lang. Pain will heal itself. Kaya 'to! Sorry if I am too much to handle for you. I did not mean to be so fast-forward to you. I'm sorry for everything. You were still a good man, Thank you!

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Sapantaha

Hindi ko alam kung saan tayo patungo
Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong sumama sa'yo
Hindi ko alam kung tama ba 'to
Hindi ko alam kung tama bang nag-tagpo tayo
Dapat bang mahalin ka?
Dapat bang ipag-patuloy ito?
Dapat ba kitang hayaang pumasok?
Dapat bang ibigay ko sa iyo ang buong ako
Dapat bang mahalin kita ng buo
Dapat bang maramdaman ko ito?
Hindi.
Hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang tamang sagot.
Baka walang tamang sagot.
Baka walang sagot.
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Parehas tayong may pupuntahan
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Kailangan ko ng kasama, kahit ngayon lang
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Walang tama o mali sa pag-ibig
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Nag-kita tayo tapos ito na, ganito na tayo
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Mahal kita.
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Gusto ko itong mag-tagal
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Naka-pasok ka na, pero pwede kang lumabas kung kailan mo gusto
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Wasak na ako nang natagpuan mo
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Mahal kita.
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Walang mali sa taong nagmamahal
Hindi.
Hindi ko na alam kung dapat pa ba.
Pero isa lang ang alam ko,
May isang byahe tayong pagsasamahan.
Marahil darating ang araw na kakailanganin
nating tumigil sa gitna,
mag-pahinga at umusad; ikaw sa kanan, ako sa kaliwa.
Marahil darating ang araw na
mauubusan tayo ng enerhiya
at kakailanganin ng bagong lakas
mula sa ibang pwersa, mula sa ibang nilalang.
Pero habang nasa byahe tayong ito,
handa akong samahan ka,
handa akong mag-lakad,
handa akong mag-lakbay,
at kung pag-dating sa dulo
ay hindi na natin kailangan ang isa't-isa,
asahan mong bibitaw ako nang dahan-dahan,
dadalhin ang ala-ala nating masasaya,
bibitawan ang bagaheng matagal na dapat ibinaba,
iiwanan ang mga pangakong binitawan,
at hindi mag-iiwan man ng anong pait at sakit.
Dahil sa byaheng ito,
hindi mahalaga kung saan at paano tayo nag-simula,
mas mahalaga kung paano tayo magwawakas.

Friday, January 20, 2017

KABISADO KO NA...ATA

Alam ko na’to. Kabisado ko na, e. Darating ka, maglalakad patungo sa akin, magkaka-titigan tayo. Kikislap ang mga mata ko na para bang inihulog na ng langit ang pinakahihintay kong regalo. Ngingiti ka, uupo ka, at ayan sa wakas, magkaharap na tayo. Nasa harap ko na ang pinaka-magandang umaga at pinaka-malamig na gabi ng buhay ko. At dahil nga kabisado na kita, alam kong tatanungin mo ako kung kumusta ang araw ko, at syempre, sasabihin kong  “eto, kausap ko na.” pero hindi, dahil kabisado na kita, alam kong ang isasagot ko ay, “ayun, okay naman.” Tatango ka at ngingiti kang muli, at ako, iibig ulit ako, paulit-ulit, walang mintis. Aayain mo akong lumabas at maglakad-lakad pagkatapos nating kumain at mag-kwentuhan, at oo, sasama ako, palagi akong sasama. Hahawakan mo ang kamay ko, mahigpit pero panatag ang buo kong pagkataong hindi ka bibitaw. Tatawid tayo sa kalsadang pamilyar, susuyurin natin ang kalyeng kaya kong lakarin ng nakapikit, maglalakad tayo. Tatawa tayong parang walang bukas. Maglalakad pa tayo. Diretso lang, walang likuan. Pero hindi e, hindi lang isang diretso ang kalsadang ito. Kailangan nating lumiko. Liliko, teka, saan ka pupunta?

Oo nga pala, kabisado ko na ‘to e, liliko ka. Gusto ko pang dumiretso pero lumiko ka na, at hindi, oo, hindi na kita pwedeng habulin kasi naglalakad ka na, patungo sa kanya, titingin siya sa’yo at magkakatitigan kayo. Kikislap ang mga mata mo, ngingiti siya at uupo ka sa harap niya,at kukumustahin niya ang araw mo. Sasagot ka, “eto, kausap ko na.” ngingiti siyang muli at sa pangalawang pagkakataon, iibig ka. Aayain mo siyang maglakad-lakad pagkatapos niyong kumain at mag-kwentuhan, papayag siya, hahawakan mo ang kamay niya, mahigpit pero sigurado, tatawid kayo sa kalsadang pamilyar, susuyurin ang kalyeng kabisado na, tatawa na parang walang bukas at maglalakad pa. Diretso, walang likuan, walang likuan, walang lumiko, lumakad ka palayo.


Teka, kabisado ko na ‘to e, pero bakit hindi ko pa rin makabisado kung kailan tutulo ang luha? Bakit hindi ko pa rin kabisado kung ilang kahon na naman ng tisyu ang mauubos ko kaka-iyak? Bakit mali na naman ang tantsa ko ng panahon ko ng pag-move on? Kabisado ko na, e. Alam kong sasakit pero bakit hindi ko pa rin kabisado yung kirot? Alam kong aalis ka pero bakit hindi pa rin ako sanay sa pag-iisa? Siguro nga kabisado ko na ang mangyayari, pero kahit kailan, hindi ko makakabisado ang kirot ng pagkawala mo, ang hapdi ng pag-alis, pag-balik at muli mong pag-alis, ang mga gabing magiging araw at ang mga araw na hindi sisikat para sa akin, ang mga panahong iiyak akong mag-isa, mga araw na hindi ko gugustuhing lumabas ng bahay, at higit sa lahat, ang mga araw na gigising na naman akong mag-isa, tulala at mag-iisip na naman kung kabisado ko pa rin ba ang pinaka-importanteng bagay na dapat kong gawin pagkatapos ng istroya natin, ang kalimutan ka.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Hobby

Sharing with you one of my favorite recordings that I did...on Smule! Haha! When I'm bored, I sing. =)) Hope someone likes this!



LINK:
KISS ME (ED SHEERAN) COVER

Saturday, January 14, 2017

I KNOW

I know this will not last. I know everything here is temporary. Everything we all are is temporary. But believe me when I say, I never regret knowing you and never will. Those sweet talks we exchange past 12 MN, I'll cherish them forever. Having you will be just as good as losing you when the time comes that you have to go away and do your own thing. Having you even for just a moment will always be my favorite part of our story, this I know.

Saturday, December 31, 2016

NEW YEAR '16-'17




New Year's Eve tonight and 2017 is just around the corner. Wow! Time flies really fast. On the first quarter of this year, I was just a college student and graduated months after and wow, look where I am now. Haha! I never thought all these moments could happen in just a year. I am overwhelmed with all the blessings, breakthroughs, and challenges. I am amazed by the grace of God and His overwhelming love. There are so many things I am thankful for and things/people I want to leave behind before 2017 starts. This year, I conquered my 2nd mountain, graduated from college, went through heartbreak after another, shaved my hair, got stronger, got to know myself more, got to love myself more, appreciated the people around me, started to give importance to the things that matter, left my comfort zone and decided to volunteer in Davao Oriental, and now I feel like a new person all over again. This year is tough, but I am tougher, and God surely is the toughest. It's crazy how fast a year can change a person and I'm glad it's that way. 💕 To the people who have been with me this year, thank you. I am more than grateful that you have been with me throughout my 2016 journey. You are all a blessing. 💜 To the people who chose to leave, for whatever reason it is, I do respect it. I just hope you are doing well in life and achieving the things you have always wanted to achieve. To the people whom I may never see again for the rest of my life, it was nice meeting you this year and though we will never see each other again 'till another lifetime, please do know that I am happy I got to know you. To the people I did wrong, I am terribly sorry for the things I did and please believe me when I say that I have already learned my lesson. Thanks for the memories. To the people who have done me wrong, forgiving is kind of easy, but forgetting is another kind of obstacle I still have to get through. To the people who chose to love me and accept me as a crazy being I am, thank you with all my heart. I don't know why you still love me, but I'm glad you do because I love you too. 💜😉 Goodbye, 2016! Hey 2017, you better get ready because I am all set for your ups and downs. 💪

PS: Darating na ba si "the one" next year, Lord? 🙊😩

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

To The Next Man Who Will Love Me

Sorry. I think I am going to take awhile before I can finally present myself to you. I have been trying for years to be the perfect one and just lately I realized that I don't have to be perfect and I don't have to be perfect for someone so I am now rebuilding myself, picking everything up again, and prioritizing the things and people that matter. I am actually excited to meet you, be with you, love you, and marry you. I am excited for everything that we could be. But while you are not here, I hope you don't mind if I go out, no, not to meet other boys, but to go out there and travel the world. I hope you don't mind if sometimes I don't like socializing and would rather choose to stay inside my room and just watch movies & random videos all night long. I hope you don't mind if I don't wear makeup on and yes, I don't like dressing up too. I hope you don't mind seeing me in my jeans, shirt & sneakers. I hope you don't mind my curly and wavy hair. I hope you don't mind my too big hips and my flat-chested boobs. I hope you don't mind the way I walk and the way I talk because sometimes I talk non-sense, well, maybe most of the time and sometimes I throw my punchlines wrong. I also hope that you don't mind my choice of music, and the way I sing out of tune to every music that plays on the radio. I hope you don't mind that sometimes I eat too much. Hey, I love food! I hope you don't find it weird when I squeal every time I see puppies and dogs!! Please don't find it weird if I want to hug you after a fight or sometimes I just want to stay quiet and not talk to you for hours.

More than these, I hope that you don't mind me texting you at 3 AM saying "Hey, I know you're sleeping, but I just want to say I love you. Sleep tight." or sometimes... "Trump/Duterte sucks!!!"
I hope you don't mind me taking photographs of you while you're sleeping or driving or watching TV or just LITERALLY WHEN YOU'RE DOING THINGS AND YOU'RE JUST BEING YOU. I hope you don't mind me taking selfies with you. I hope you don't find it weird when I call you nicknames only the two of us will know, lol. I hope you don't find me weird worshiping and raising my hands while singing at church. I hope you find it okay if I comfort you with Bible verses because sometimes those are what you really will need. I hope you don't mind if I get too close with your siblings because all my life, I never had one. I hope you'll like my poems, essays, and blog entries about you. I hope you'll appreciate my little victories and cheer me up when I get sad. I hope you'll like my taste of music, movies, and books! But it's okay if not! But at least respect my choices! Haha! :D (to be continued)