Thursday, July 21, 2016

Going vegan


                                           

Considering going vegan!! I'm like 80% sure that I want to! But...where do I start? How do I start? I badly want to do that. But I guess I might have to change my habits first. Like...waking up late? Haha because I guess going vegan means cooking your own food so it's fresh and all natural, I might have to wake up earlier than usual to prepare? I guess so. Hahaha but I'm slowly starting to eat more vegetables now though I have not eaten any fruits until now...wait, we have green apples here :)) So tell me vegan friends, how do I start the vegan lifestyle? Any easy recipes? With ingredients that can be found here in the Philippines please hahaha thanks!

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

SHAVED!



Aaaaah! Feels good! I feel good to finally let go of my top burden since high school! My damaged hair due to straightening chemicals! I used to hate my curly and buhaghag (what's the english equivalent of this word lol) hair back then, and so, I would always got to the salon every 6 months to get my hair straightened until one day, it got so dry, damaged, frizzy, and, uhm, disgusting. lol I got so insecure that I opted to the ponytail trend everyday and would just let my hair down before going to bed and make sure that I do first thing in the morning is to bun my hair and make sure that no one would see me with my disgusting damaged hair :( Then, I learned about Alopecia. I have known this before through TV interviews I have seen with women having Alopecia. I have always wondered how it feels like. Seeing your hair slowly drifting away from you and not knowing when it would grow back or will it ever grow back? I felt like I have to do something. I need to do something. I thought that shaving my head is the answer! It's a win-win situation though! I get to get rid of this hair and I get to help for #AlopeciaAwareness too! And so I did! And I have never felt more brave! I have never felt more alive and weightless! Haha!

LEARNING:

Alopecia is a type of hair loss that damages not only the head, but also the emotions of both men and women who suffer from this hair loss. It affects their self-esteem and their perception about life. But hey, we are all still beautiful. With or without the hair! Smiling and acceptance is the key! :) Love you all!!

#AlopeciaAwareness

Getting together (again) with my bestfriend

Okay, we talked it over. We kind of knew each other's wrongs and whatnot. What have changed within me during the time that we were away from each other is that, I have finally learn to let go. I have finally learned to detach myself from her because I think that's what I have to do - detach myself from people because I have been too clingy these days and damn, it's tiring. So I have finally learned to let go and detach and not be clingy anymore!! Yey! Finally, it does not bother me anymore if I go out alone, eat out at my favorite shop alone, drink coffee alone - and many more alone times. Happy times. Haha. I feel so free now that I have learned to do these things. My best friend of almost 12 years, I love you. Kahit ilang beses akong umalis, lumayo, at ikaw din, walang magbabago. Tibayan lang ng loob! Haha!

Friday, July 8, 2016

FUTURE WEDDING VOW (to be edited in the near future lol)

My dearest __________,


First of all, congratulations to the both of us. (lol)  I may not know all the things that you have been through to get to this day, but I want you to know that I have been through something too before I even met you. And I must say you are worth it and you will always be worth it. There have been a time when I almost gave up on the idea of falling in-love again and getting married and having a family because I thought men were just all the same. BUT the idea of you even though I don't know who you were back then, gave me hope. God reminded me that my Boaz is patiently waiting for me and if I were to give up back then, I would not have met my poging-poging Boaz! :) We both waited for each other and with that, I want to congratulate the both of us, yey!

Second, thank you. Thank you for saving me from the questions of people around me that goes "tomboy ka ba?" kasi nga, ang tagal kong walang boyfriend! You have saved me!! (lol) And syempre, thank you for saving me from my own thoughts na hindi na ako magkaka-asawa, na wala nang magmamahal sa akin, na wala nang magkaka-gusto sa akin. Thank you for giving me this chance to love and to be loved, but this time the true kind of love, the God kind of love. Thank you for accepting me - my flaws; my opinions; my passion; my mood swings; my paglalambing; my weirdness; my humor (na minsan di mo ma-gets kasi ako rin di ko ma-gets hahaha); and syempre thank you for accepting my family and friends. Thank you for waiting for the right time, for the right person, for this moment. Also, thank you for bringing me closer to God.

Third, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I took so long. I'm sorry I wasn't there when I should have been. I'm sorry for taking care of myself first before finally presenting myself to you. Worth it naman diba? Haha!

______, I love you. I prayed for you, I prayed for this and I will continue to do so. You were more than what I had hoped for. You are the answer to my prayers. I love you.

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Para Sa Aking Mama

Mama,

Kumusta? Alas-tres na ng umaga dito sa Pilipinas. Anong oras na diyan sa New Jersey? Kumusta ang trabaho? Ilang overtime na ang nagawa mo? Kunusta ang kita? Nabayaran mo na ba ang mga utang mo? Ang dami kong tanong, mama. Ang dami kong bakit at sana. Ang dami.

Bakit mas pinili mong magpunta ng ibang bansa. May choice ka naman kung titira ka ba rito sa Pilipinas para palakihin ako o pupunta sa ibang bansa para mapag-aral ako at masustentuhan pa ang ibang taong nangangailangan.

Iyan ba talaga ang pangarap mo, mama? Ang maging nurse para makapag-alaga ng may mga sakit o maging nurse para kumita nang maraming pera? O pinili mo bang maging nurse dahil iyon ang gusto ni Nanay para sa'yo?

Bakit parang hindi ka masaya ngayon? Bakit parang hindi ka masaya sa buhay mo? Hindi mo ba napapansin? Tumatanda ka na, mama. Tatanda ka na lamang bang kumakayod magdamag para sa pera?

Bakit hindi mo ako pinili? Bakit hindi mo ako piniling palakihin at arugain? Oo, sa iyo galing lahat ng pera, gamit, pagkain, matrikula, at kung anu-ano pa. Pero ang pagmamahal? Mula iyon sa iba. Wala halos mula sa'yo. Lahat ng pagmamahal na mayroon ako ngayon ay mula sa kanila. Pero ikaw, ikaw ang nag-pondo sa lahat. At parang hinayaan mong maging ganoon ka na lang sa paningin ko. Hinayaan mo na lang na ang maging tingin ko sa'yo ay taga-supply ng pera ko at malalapitan ko lamang kapag kailangan ko nang magbayad ng matrikula.

Naalala ko noong tinanong mo ako kung bakit hindi na kita kinakausap sa Facebook. Bukod sa unemployed ako at wala namang nangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon, naramdaman ko kasing hindi ka naman interesado sa mga iku-kwento ko. Interesado ka lang sa mga narating ko. Parang hindi ka naman interesado sa mga opinyo ko sa bagay-bagay. Parang lagi kang nagmamadali kapag magkausap tayo kasi kakagaling mo lang ng trabaho o di kaya paalis ka pa lamang.

Ang dami nating nasayang na panahon, ma. Ang dami.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

FORGETTING

I always hated the thought of having to forget something that really made an impact in my life, specifically, something that really hurt me. I mean who the hell in the world would forget something that hurt them deeply? That is almost impossible, freaking impossible. How could I forget the pain; the times I cried in the bathroom floor, on the bed, inside the cinema; that crumbling feeling every time I hear them say your name; hearing your voice every now and then; seeing you happy while I am still trying to convince myself that I. HAVE. TO. FORGET.

I was six years old back then, when I started sneaking out of the house to get away from Nanay and play with my friends outside 'til sunset. I got my strategy from you. You even carry me with you whenever you would go visit your girlfriend back then. I used to be so happy with you. You were like my little happy pill. You were like my escape from the sad world. I adored you. Every inch of you.

I was eight or nine back then, when you broke up with your girlfriend who, let me say, is the most beautiful human being I have ever seen in my life (from looks to character, man, she was irreplaceable) and that was the second time I knew that boys really do break hearts. The first time I knew this was when dad cheated on mom and wow, you did the same thing with your then girlfriend. I saw her cried her eyes out at the corner of our street. It was dark, and the lights that she only has were from the cars passing by. She was crying intensely and you went up to her and made her feel more like a crap because you effin' shouted at her while asking why she's crying. Congrats.

I was ten when I saw you stealing food from the refrigerator (shallow, I know) and you know what, I did not care at all, but I knew that was not supposed to be done. This was also the time that you said goodbye to me and treated me to a fancy restaurant because you had to go out of the country for work. And hey, I wrote a letter for you with crappy penmanship and all, lol.

I was twelve when I first saw your girlfriend who was the replacement of your ex. She was pretty cool, yeah. This was also the time when you first saw me holding hands with my first boyfriend while walking down the street. Damn, you acted like my dad which was kinda cool and terrifying at the same time. I let it pass. I got more rebellious in my own way.

Fast forward to this day. When I saw everything. Heard everything. And felt everything. Too much damage had been done that I cannot put into details anymore because it hurts me every time I remember. My mind have turned into a series of flashbacks every time I walk past the places where tragedies happened. I did not know it back then. I did not know it would make such an impact on me. Up until now. So tell me, how do I forget these?

Maybe I won't.  Maybe I will never ever forget these, both the good and the bad. Maybe these memories were bound to be with me for the rest of my life. Maybe I am the problem after all. Maybe it was not you. Although it was really you, but I have myself to blame. I have kept this pain for so long. They grew and became anger and hatred. I blame myself for not letting all these go easily. I regret not dealing with this pain earlier because honestly, it kills me up until now. Maybe I do not have to forget the memories after all, and maybe I have to change the way I see it now and the way I feel about it.

How I wish this island in my mind (just like how Inside Out did it) would just sink. How I wish everything would just fade. I wish I never have to get through this. I wish I never have to revisit the memories and feel the pain all over again. How I wish it would just be for a split second before I can finally forget you and the memories.

I will be okay. I know I will be okay. I have to be.

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

CONSISTENT




Isa sa mga gusto ko sa lalaki
E yung consistent
Nakakakilig kasi
Kapag laging may effort
Yung lalaking may own will
Laging may consistency
Alam mo 'yun?
Nakita ko naman 'yung consistency sa'yo
Kaya ang saya ko e kasi
Consistent kang maging gago
Akalain mong 2015 pa lang, gago ka na
2016 na, gago ka pa rin
Ang malupit pa nun, second chance mo na 'yun
Pangalawang chance mo na itama lahat
Akala ko pa naman nagbago ka na
Ay, nagbago naman pala
Mas naging gago ka
Napaka-consistent mo sa pagiging gago
Mabuhay para sa isang katulad mo
Ipagpatuloy mo lang pagiging gago
Balang araw may magmamahal din sa'yo
Na mas gago pa sa gagong katulad mo