My comfort left me

Sunset at Onay Beach, Northern Samar

In my pursuit to live my life out of my comfort zone, my comfort left me. When I got home last week from the field visit we just had, I realized that I am not as comfortable as I used to be. I have been restless, anxious, confused, and tired for weeks. Always thinking where to go next and what to do next because every time I feel a little comfortable in a place, with a person, or in a situation, I start to worry that it's not challenging me anymore. Being comfortable made me fear that I may not be giving my best anymore. Being comfortable made me feel stagnant, idle, and unimportant. Maybe this is what happens when we tell ourselves to always take risks, to always go out of our comfort zones, to always meet peoples' expectations of us, maybe in our pursuit of going out "there", comfort leaves us and we start to rattle. The concept of taking risks and pushing ourselves to our very limit are not at all bad, but they tend to be a pressure sometimes that it hits us right through the core when we figure out that we are not challenging ourselves anymore. But you know, maybe we don't always have to take risks, maybe we don't always have to go all-in for someone or something, maybe staying put is not a bad thing after all, maybe being there in the moment is all we will ever need at that very moment, with that very feeling. You see, it is a good thing that we challenge ourselves everyday, that we strive for more, but please remember that doing what needs to be done is sometimes just the perfect combination for a job well done. We cannot always be exemplary in what we do, but we are always, always extraordinary as we are. :)

Let's Try

People would often say that going away is hard, but lately, I have realized that it's not that tough. What's even harder for me is staying. Staying is underrated. People think that once you have started something, it's just so easy to go through the process. What they don't see is how hard it is to keep something, to be committed, to be consistent, to keep trying to stay. We can always start to plant a seed, but isn't it harder to commit to frequently water it so it grows? We can always start new friendships, but isn't it always harder to maintain it? We can always apply for that job, but isn't it harder to stay in that job? We can always enroll to that class, but isn't it always harder to stay in there and try your best to graduate? It's always harder to stay and trust the process. In the same way that it is always easy to quit things and people, but always harder to stay. We can easily quit people and tell them we can't do it anymore, but isn't it always harder to stay? To try and to work it out? We can easily quit our lives and just pull that trigger, but isn't it always harder to stay and keep living? Isn't it always harder to stay and and keep hoping that things will get better? It is always even harder to stay. Quitting and going away can also be hard at times, but staying will always be harder and painful. Trying to stay alive in life amidst all the adversaries and obstacles will always be harder than just going away. Choosing to stay in life even though you've thought of dying so many times, will always be harder to maintain. Choosing to wake up everyday and rise up for another day will always be harder than to stay in bed. Choosing to love even when it hurts will always be harder than to give up and quit. Choosing to live will always be harder. But we will always try. We will always try. Let's always try to stay. Let's always try to choose to stay a little bit more than we did yesterday. Let's try staying.

Napagod Ang Puso

Nagising siya isang araw na hapung-hapo, hingal na hingal na para bang isang libong kilometro ang tinakbo kahit na nakahilata lang naman siya magdamag. Nagising siya. Pero hindi siya bumangon. Iminulat ang mga mata, tinitigan ang kisame, pinatay ang alarm clock at ipinikit muli ang mga mata. Ayaw niyang makita. Ayaw niyang may makita. Ayaw niyang may makakita. Ayaw niyang may makakita sa mga luhang pumapatak, ayaw niyang may makakita sa mga pilit na galak, ayaw niyang may makakita sa bagay na ayaw niya ring makita. "Hindi ako dapat nagkakaganito, hindi ko dapat nararamdaman ito, hindi dapat ako ganito", bulong ng isip niya. Iminulat niya ang kanyang mga mata, tinitigan ang kisame, tinignan ang  paligid, at bumangon.

Masakit ang kasu-kasuan, namamaga ang mga mata, at nauuhaw. Sumakit ang kasu-kasuan kagabi kakahabol sa tao na ang tingin sa kanya ay wala nang silbi, namaga ang mga mata kakaiyak ng tatlong sunod-sunod na gabi para sa taong hindi na niya katabi, at nauuhaw. Nauuhaw siya sa pagmamahal. 

[internal monologue #3]

I wonder, when I die, will someone really remember me for the rest of their lives? Will my impact be that enough? Will they say something really nice about me of when we first met? I mean, I am not always with my friends, is that memory of me already enough for them to cry over my death? Will my family still talk to me when I'm gone? Did I take enough pictures to save the memories? Did I create enough videos as a remembrance of my existence in this world? Did I write enough about the people who really matters and my feelings that should be freed? Did the music I listen to an enough representation of my love for it? Did I do enough helping people? Did I watch enough movies for me to know how painful reality is? Did I read books enough to make me question life? Will all the things I did be enough for me to die someday? Will I ever do enough? I can only do so much, but not everything and I hope it's enough to make me worth dying and remembering. I wonder about these  then realize how short life is. If I don't make it count right now, I might regret it the next day.

#WorldAdoptionDay

Happy #WorldAdoptionDay!! Today is a very important day for me because aside from it is the World Adoption Day, this is also the day I will tell my story to the world. Hear me out? Here it goes.

When I was 9 years old, I started questioning why I don't look like any of my family members. Why my cousins are thin while my built is bigger than the usual, why my skin is fairer, why my height is smaller, and many more. I remember my grandmother telling me that I was just a kid they saw on the street and decided they'd take me home instead. Lol. Since then, I have always questioned this: Who am I?

Growing up, just like most of the teenagers, I have rebelled (but not much 😉😂), I hated the world, I did not love my mama, I hated everyone. Then at 15 or 16 years old, I got found and was kept by Him. Gradually, I learned who I am and found my worth. Though deep down, I can still feel that something is missing. I know, something is not right. I even remember praying this: "God, whatever it is that I'm still missing, help me find it. I still feel lost." And throughout the years that I have been searching for that missing part, I failed, but learned a lot. Fast forward to 2017, my year full of surprises and blessings. April of 2017, I found out the truth through a random Facebook message. On May, I finally got to meet my biological mother. She looks like me (of course 😂), she speaks like me, and we have the curls. Lol. The very moment I saw her, I knew what I was missing. The extension of myself, I found in her. The stars in my universe finally aligned. Suddenly, everything felt right with the world. After finding out about this, I told everything to my Jacob family. I got to know the story behind my adoption and while listening, nothing else, but pure joy, gratefulness, freedom, and love filled my heart. This family, who have taken care of me from the moment I was about to get lost, up until now that I have found who I really am, is the reason why I believe in God's promises and faithfulness. Not to forget the real heroes of the story, my mama Leonora Lesinski,Mama Bernadette Jacob and our beloved Nanay Linda. I would like to take this time to say THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. Deciding to adopt and take care of a child you barely know is one tough act and a proof of your loving hearts. My Jacob family, JCLAM family, my dearest friends and closest relatives who knew I was adopted before I even knew it (I hate it when I get the memo late always!!), thank you! I know now! Haha! Now, I have finally found the answer to my question: I am a daughter to my parentssssss (yes, because that's a lot really), a best friend to my cousins and friends, and more than anything else, I am His child.

To every family out there, please know that adopting a child is worth the struggle. Things may be tough at first, but investing your time and love on a child is and will always be a thing you will never regret. I do believe that there is a family for every child like me.

If you have reached the end of my post and wants to support this advocacy, kindly post a picture of you with a smiley drawn on your hand (just like mine) and post it with the caption #WorldAdoptionDay. Say what it means to you or if you have your story too, this is the time to let the world know.

I AM A LOVE CHILD AND PROUD! 😊💕
Love is stronger than DNA!

PS: World Adoption Day is on Nov. 9! This was just a late post! Be with us again next year!

[internal monologue #2]

Every time I hear a sad news of somebody else's passing, I always get this feeling that I may be next. I may be riding the bus on the way home and then boom, I'm dead. I could be anywhere and death might hit me just like that. So yes, before death comes at me, I am going to start giving every piece of me to the world. And to you as well, who's reading this. Haha! I promise to blog almost everything, almost everyday! Hahaha! I am going to document everything and everyone. I am going to put here everything. So when that day comes, I will feel no regret. So for today's entry for internal monologue, I am going to share my deepest thoughts about my plan for the future. :D Here goes! First, I plan to establish an NGO that focuses on adoption. I don't know what yet in particular, but I want it to focus on adoption. Second, I want to take my Master's degree. Don't know what to master on yet, haha, but we'll get there. Third, I want to go to Bolivia. Haha! Well, I want to travel the world so, anywhere is fine for me. Fourth, I want to constantly be good to others and spread love, happiness, and peace as much as possible! I am dreaming too much! But whatever, I am doing all those! Haha! I'll be sharing more! ;)

Not Having You Here Yet

Today feels like just any other day. I wake up, grab a cup of coffee, take a shower, get dressed, and head to work. I do that every single day since I got this job. I enjoy what I do. I learn, I experience new things, and I get to know new people. When the day is done, I will pack my things, head out of the office, walk my way home while listening to Sara Bareilles, get my comfy sleepwear, cook dinner, watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S., have my quiet time, drink a cup of tea, and go to sleep. Other days, I get messages from friends asking me to hang out, my cousins asking how I was because we haven't seen each other for about a month already, and my parents wondering what I would really like to do for the rest of my life. But most days, I get none. Not that I am complaining or whatever, because they are busy too, for sure. But you see, this is how I get through life day by day. Sometimes, it feels lonely to have no one around who will ask how my day was after a long day at work, to have an inbox full of reminders from my boss, to have a bed full of pillows to hug instead of you, to eat dinner alone, and to go to bed all cuddled up by my fluffy blanket instead of your hug. You see, this is how it feels like not having you here yet. I will wake up tomorrow without any sight of you and I'll be just fine, but it would be better if you were there to greet me 'good morning' together with a cup of coffee. I could eat out alone, which I always do, but it would be better ordering for two and having the other chair faced in front of me taken by you. Not having you yet is answering "no, that seat is not taken" to the guy who would ask if he can grab the empty chair so he can sit beside his girlfriend. It's going to bed at night waiting for my thoughts to make me fall asleep rather than having you humming lullabies to me. It's saying "ticket for one to this movie, please" every time I would go see a movie. It's planning a weekend get away for one or sometimes, with friends, if they are free. It's walking on my way home and wishing someone was holding my hand. It's getting on that bus and sitting on an empty chair while leaving the seat beside me available, it should have been you, but you're not here yet. Some days, I get by just fine, but other days, I get sad. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy myself, I enjoy my company, I like being alone, I like going out alone, but sometimes I just want someone to be there. Someone who would hold me, who would give me the last piece of his pizza, who would always start and end my day with a smile, who would argue with me and then make up the same day because we would not want to lose each other, who would pray for me, who would always make sure I get home safe, who would send me funny videos that he knows will cheer me up when I'm having a bad day, who would plan vacations for the both of us, who would take wacky photos with me because I look good doing those rather than being classy, who would remind me how beautiful life is, who would listen to the songs I love, who would watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. with me, who would make me listen to the songs he love, who would open up his world to me, who would go to church with me, and someone who would accept me for being an average-looking girl that he happens to love. I can get by and do all these things by myself, sure. But isn't it more fun if you were here? Not having you here yet is like Joey not having his favorite sandwich at the end of a bad day, it's sad and frustrating. Not having you here yet is doing all the things I want to do all by myself, but wishing someone was there to listen to all my stories. Not having you here yet is like living in a monochrome world, everything looks nice, sure, but wouldn't they be nicer if I get to see them in their glorious colors? This is how it feels like to not have you here yet; completely incomplete, but still getting by.

E,

Tapos na.
Paalam.

E,

Nagtapos tayo sa parehong paraan kung paano tayo nagsimula, mabilis.

Nasaktan ako sa parehong paraan kung paano natin minahal ang isa't isa, dahan-dahan.

Nalungkot ako sa parehong paraan kung paano ko nakilala ang nanay mo, nakakatakot.

Mabilis tayong nagtapos.

Dahan-dahan akong nasaktan sa mga pangyayari.

At natatakot akong harapin ang lungkot.

Gayunpaman, palalayain na kita.

Palalayain kita sa parehong paraan kung paano mo ako minahal, totoo pero hindi pa handa.

CATEEL MOMENTS: Carolina Lake | Baganga, Davao Oriental

We all need relaxation after a hard work. Our supervisor reminded us this when he brought us to the beautiful wonder of Carolina Lake in Baganga. I can't tell you how beautiful it is because clearly, words are not enough. But let these pictures convince you. Haha!

Actually,  I have not much to share here aside from this beautiful view. :) I terribly miss this place. :(

CATEEL MOMENTS: Curtain Falls

I got back from Cateel, Davao Oriental last April 10 of this year. Have not done much lately until now, lol. Have been browsing my pictures in that area and now I'm missing it A LOT. I mostly miss the people. <3 So, I decided to dedicate a part of my blog to them. As if my blog is a lot (??) HAHA! Sooooooooo....

  CURTAIN FALLS!

CURTAIN FALLS. AH, CURTAIN FALLS. How could this not be missed? Ah. Okay, haha. Curtain Falls is located at Baganga, Davao Oriental. So beautiful, right? I know, I know. So, from Cateel, Davao Oriental, it took us 45 minutes to 1 hour of drive to this wonder and another 15 minutes trek going to the falls. And when we were finally there, ah, I'm left with no words. Just pure amazement. It was one of those moments when you just want to simply stay there for like a year and just forget everything. Truly, nature has its own way of reminding you that once in a while, you have to stop and just be aware of the moment. It has its way of bringing you back to earth when you get a little disconnected from it. Curtain Falls just did that to me. It will forever be one of my favorite destinations in the Philippines. I'd always go back. I will go back.

MY FAVORITE PEOPLE :)

PS: All pictures are not mine. Got it all from a good friend, Ms. Ace Claudine Alfonso :)

THOUGHT CATALOG QUOTE

"She wants so much more from you than friendship. And since she knows that's never going to happen, she has to keep her distance. She has to do what's best for her sanity and stay away."

FULL ARTICLE HERE: http://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2017/06/this-is-why-she-could-never-just-be-friends-with-you/

JUNE 24 [rambled thoughts] [internal monologue]

It's your birthday. You might be reading this, or not, ha! Anyway, kumusta? It's been three days since I decided to leave. 2 days since I unfriended you (?) very millenial, lol. It's been 6 months since I got to know you. Sana pinakinggan mo lahat ng kantang binigay ko. I'm still sorry for leaving. I just...I don't know, got fed up with "you are special to me";"go with the flow lang, bahala na";"ang alam ko lang, masaya ako." Daaaaaaamn. They sound so good at first, but man, ang hirap ng sitwasyon na yun! I got tired, sorry. I concluded na wala nang patutunguhan since you were like that for the past six months, so I decided to leave. I figured out, I cannot take it any longer. Hindi kita ma-plastic. Hindi ko matanggap sa sarili ko na hindi mo kayang mag-commit. But oh, well! I pray that you are doing well today. I mean, hindi rin naman ako masyadong malaking kawalan sa'yo, haha! Yeah, drink with the guys? Saturday night and it's your birthday. I am actually thinking of giving you a message or a  call, but, I don't know, I feel like it is not needed anymore. We already said our goodbyes. Wag na diba? Hahaha! Though, umaasa pa rin akong lalabas yung pangalan mo ulit sa messenger ko, iilaw yung phone ko tapos pangalan mo yung lalabas. But I guess, not gonna happen anymore. We were like literally Rachel and Ross, except that I took that plane anyway and did not come back for good. Mahirap kang kalimutan, yes. Eh, hello, you are the first person to even introduce me to his mother, pero, daaang, wala, friends pa rin?? Hahaha! Akala ko, seryoso na yung step na yun! Akala ko, yun na talaga! Pero, wala, e. Haha! Sige lang. Pain will heal itself. Kaya 'to! Sorry if I am too much to handle for you. I did not mean to be so fast-forward to you. I'm sorry for everything. You were still a good man, Thank you!

Sapantaha

Hindi ko alam kung saan tayo patungo
Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong sumama sa'yo
Hindi ko alam kung tama ba 'to
Hindi ko alam kung tama bang nag-tagpo tayo
Dapat bang mahalin ka?
Dapat bang ipag-patuloy ito?
Dapat ba kitang hayaang pumasok?
Dapat bang ibigay ko sa iyo ang buong ako
Dapat bang mahalin kita ng buo
Dapat bang maramdaman ko ito?
Hindi.
Hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang tamang sagot.
Baka walang tamang sagot.
Baka walang sagot.
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Parehas tayong may pupuntahan
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Kailangan ko ng kasama, kahit ngayon lang
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Walang tama o mali sa pag-ibig
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Nag-kita tayo tapos ito na, ganito na tayo
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Mahal kita.
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Gusto ko itong mag-tagal
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Naka-pasok ka na, pero pwede kang lumabas kung kailan mo gusto
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Wasak na ako nang natagpuan mo
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Mahal kita.
Ang alam ko lang kasi,
Walang mali sa taong nagmamahal
Hindi.
Hindi ko na alam kung dapat pa ba.
Pero isa lang ang alam ko,
May isang byahe tayong pagsasamahan.
Marahil darating ang araw na kakailanganin
nating tumigil sa gitna,
mag-pahinga at umusad; ikaw sa kanan, ako sa kaliwa.
Marahil darating ang araw na
mauubusan tayo ng enerhiya
at kakailanganin ng bagong lakas
mula sa ibang pwersa, mula sa ibang nilalang.
Pero habang nasa byahe tayong ito,
handa akong samahan ka,
handa akong mag-lakad,
handa akong mag-lakbay,
at kung pag-dating sa dulo
ay hindi na natin kailangan ang isa't-isa,
asahan mong bibitaw ako nang dahan-dahan,
dadalhin ang ala-ala nating masasaya,
bibitawan ang bagaheng matagal na dapat ibinaba,
iiwanan ang mga pangakong binitawan,
at hindi mag-iiwan man ng anong pait at sakit.
Dahil sa byaheng ito,
hindi mahalaga kung saan at paano tayo nag-simula,
mas mahalaga kung paano tayo magwawakas.

KABISADO KO NA...ATA

Alam ko na’to. Kabisado ko na, e. Darating ka, maglalakad patungo sa akin, magkaka-titigan tayo. Kikislap ang mga mata ko na para bang inihulog na ng langit ang pinakahihintay kong regalo. Ngingiti ka, uupo ka, at ayan sa wakas, magkaharap na tayo. Nasa harap ko na ang pinaka-magandang umaga at pinaka-malamig na gabi ng buhay ko. At dahil nga kabisado na kita, alam kong tatanungin mo ako kung kumusta ang araw ko, at syempre, sasabihin kong  “eto, kausap ko na.” pero hindi, dahil kabisado na kita, alam kong ang isasagot ko ay, “ayun, okay naman.” Tatango ka at ngingiti kang muli, at ako, iibig ulit ako, paulit-ulit, walang mintis. Aayain mo akong lumabas at maglakad-lakad pagkatapos nating kumain at mag-kwentuhan, at oo, sasama ako, palagi akong sasama. Hahawakan mo ang kamay ko, mahigpit pero panatag ang buo kong pagkataong hindi ka bibitaw. Tatawid tayo sa kalsadang pamilyar, susuyurin natin ang kalyeng kaya kong lakarin ng nakapikit, maglalakad tayo. Tatawa tayong parang walang bukas. Maglalakad pa tayo. Diretso lang, walang likuan. Pero hindi e, hindi lang isang diretso ang kalsadang ito. Kailangan nating lumiko. Liliko, teka, saan ka pupunta?

Oo nga pala, kabisado ko na ‘to e, liliko ka. Gusto ko pang dumiretso pero lumiko ka na, at hindi, oo, hindi na kita pwedeng habulin kasi naglalakad ka na, patungo sa kanya, titingin siya sa’yo at magkakatitigan kayo. Kikislap ang mga mata mo, ngingiti siya at uupo ka sa harap niya,at kukumustahin niya ang araw mo. Sasagot ka, “eto, kausap ko na.” ngingiti siyang muli at sa pangalawang pagkakataon, iibig ka. Aayain mo siyang maglakad-lakad pagkatapos niyong kumain at mag-kwentuhan, papayag siya, hahawakan mo ang kamay niya, mahigpit pero sigurado, tatawid kayo sa kalsadang pamilyar, susuyurin ang kalyeng kabisado na, tatawa na parang walang bukas at maglalakad pa. Diretso, walang likuan, walang likuan, walang lumiko, lumakad ka palayo.

Teka, kabisado ko na ‘to e, pero bakit hindi ko pa rin makabisado kung kailan tutulo ang luha? Bakit hindi ko pa rin kabisado kung ilang kahon na naman ng tisyu ang mauubos ko kaka-iyak? Bakit mali na naman ang tantsa ko ng panahon ko ng pag-move on? Kabisado ko na, e. Alam kong sasakit pero bakit hindi ko pa rin kabisado yung kirot? Alam kong aalis ka pero bakit hindi pa rin ako sanay sa pag-iisa? Siguro nga kabisado ko na ang mangyayari, pero kahit kailan, hindi ko makakabisado ang kirot ng pagkawala mo, ang hapdi ng pag-alis, pag-balik at muli mong pag-alis, ang mga gabing magiging araw at ang mga araw na hindi sisikat para sa akin, ang mga panahong iiyak akong mag-isa, mga araw na hindi ko gugustuhing lumabas ng bahay, at higit sa lahat, ang mga araw na gigising na naman akong mag-isa, tulala at mag-iisip na naman kung kabisado ko pa rin ba ang pinaka-importanteng bagay na dapat kong gawin pagkatapos ng istroya natin, ang kalimutan ka.

Hobby

Sharing with you one of my favorite recordings that I did...on Smule! Haha! When I'm bored, I sing. =)) Hope someone likes this!



LINK:
KISS ME (ED SHEERAN) COVER

NEW YEAR '16-'17

New Year's Eve tonight and 2017 is just around the corner. Wow! Time flies really fast. On the first quarter of this year, I was just a college student and graduated months after and wow, look where I am now. Haha! I never thought all these moments could happen in just a year. I am overwhelmed with all the blessings, breakthroughs, and challenges. I am amazed by the grace of God and His overwhelming love. There are so many things I am thankful for and things/people I want to leave behind before 2017 starts. This year, I conquered my 2nd mountain, graduated from college, went through heartbreak after another, shaved my hair, got stronger, got to know myself more, got to love myself more, appreciated the people around me, started to give importance to the things that matter, left my comfort zone and decided to volunteer in Davao Oriental, and now I feel like a new person all over again. This year is tough, but I am tougher, and God surely is the toughest. It's crazy how fast a year can change a person and I'm glad it's that way. 💕 To the people who have been with me this year, thank you. I am more than grateful that you have been with me throughout my 2016 journey. You are all a blessing. 💜 To the people who chose to leave, for whatever reason it is, I do respect it. I just hope you are doing well in life and achieving the things you have always wanted to achieve. To the people whom I may never see again for the rest of my life, it was nice meeting you this year and though we will never see each other again 'till another lifetime, please do know that I am happy I got to know you. To the people I did wrong, I am terribly sorry for the things I did and please believe me when I say that I have already learned my lesson. Thanks for the memories. To the people who have done me wrong, forgiving is kind of easy, but forgetting is another kind of obstacle I still have to get through. To the people who chose to love me and accept me as a crazy being I am, thank you with all my heart. I don't know why you still love me, but I'm glad you do because I love you too. 💜😉 Goodbye, 2016! Hey 2017, you better get ready because I am all set for your ups and downs. 💪

PS: Darating na ba si "the one" next year, Lord? 🙊😩

To The Next Man Who Will Love Me

Sorry. I think I am going to take awhile before I can finally present myself to you. I have been trying for years to be the perfect one and just lately I realized that I don't have to be perfect and I don't have to be perfect for someone so I am now rebuilding myself, picking everything up again, and prioritizing the things and people that matter. I am actually excited to meet you, be with you, love you, and marry you. I am excited for everything that we could be. But while you are not here, I hope you don't mind if I go out, no, not to meet other boys, but to go out there and travel the world. I hope you don't mind if sometimes I don't like socializing and would rather choose to stay inside my room and just watch movies & random videos all night long. I hope you don't mind if I don't wear makeup on and yes, I don't like dressing up too. I hope you don't mind seeing me in my jeans, shirt & sneakers. I hope you don't mind my curly and wavy hair. I hope you don't mind my too big hips and my flat-chested boobs. I hope you don't mind the way I walk and the way I talk because sometimes I talk non-sense, well, maybe most of the time and sometimes I throw my punchlines wrong. I also hope that you don't mind my choice of music, and the way I sing out of tune to every music that plays on the radio. I hope you don't mind that sometimes I eat too much. Hey, I love food! I hope you don't find it weird when I squeal every time I see puppies and dogs!! Please don't find it weird if I want to hug you after a fight or sometimes I just want to stay quiet and not talk to you for hours.

More than these, I hope that you don't mind me texting you at 3 AM saying "Hey, I know you're sleeping, but I just want to say I love you. Sleep tight." or sometimes... "Trump/Duterte sucks!!!"
I hope you don't mind me taking photographs of you while you're sleeping or driving or watching TV or just LITERALLY WHEN YOU'RE DOING THINGS AND YOU'RE JUST BEING YOU. I hope you don't mind me taking selfies with you. I hope you don't find it weird when I call you nicknames only the two of us will know, lol. I hope you don't find me weird worshiping and raising my hands while singing at church. I hope you find it okay if I comfort you with Bible verses because sometimes those are what you really will need. I hope you don't mind if I get too close with your siblings because all my life, I never had one. I hope you'll like my poems, essays, and blog entries about you. I hope you'll appreciate my little victories and cheer me up when I get sad. I hope you'll like my taste of music, movies, and books! But it's okay if not! But at least respect my choices! Haha! :D (to be continued)

Teacher D: Cheating?!

I was once a student. I know how it feels not being able to study for the upcoming exam. I know how it feels to be unprepared for the exam. I know the anxiousness, difficulty, and the challenge. It's hard, I must admit. Well, I also cheated, one way or another. (peace) =)) But hey, I have a funny story to tell about my student so keep reading! :D

While making the test questionnaires for my students, there is only one thing in my mind: I HOPE MY STUDENTS DON'T CHEAT. I DON'T CARE IF THEY FAIL MY EXAM, AS LONG AS THEY DO NOT CHEAT. 

Come exam day, and voila! I caught almost 5 students cheating. It's hard to deal with because I don't know if I should call them out right then and there or should I just talk to them right after the exam? I chose to not do anything with it. Weak, I know. I let it pass. I realized that it has been done already and I cannot do anything about it anymore, but I promised myself the next time I caught them cheating, I won't let them get away. 

So here's the funny story. =)) While I was checking their papers, one paper caught my attention. Aside from the fact that my student failed, he also wrote something on the paper.

Translation

(I just copied my answers on Test 1. I said this because you are too kind, ma'am. I am not saying this in the hopes that you will give me higher grades, but I am saying this because I am comfortable with you. If you read this, for sure you'd be laughing.)

I just can't. =)) He's way too honest to even confess his cheating! I understood him. I thank him for being honest. The day after, I talked to him and told him that I appreciate his honesty although there's no changing that he failed and he cheated, I told him that his honesty will take him a long way. I also thanked him for telling such things. I also assured him that the next time he cheats, he won't get away with just one simple message. :D

I really appreciate him though. At least his conscience spoke to him and made him admit his fault. At the end of the day, what would matter most is the integrity, the heart and the character. And I know, this kid will go a long way! God bless him. <3

TEACHER D: Teaching

I am now teaching here! Wow! Words can't express how thankful I am! Now, words can't express how tired I am. :( Loljk! But hey! This is really nice! I get to teach students computer! :D I'm teaching Empowerment Technology to Senior High School students and Computer subject for grades 4, 5, 6, & 7. :)

I hope to impart something to them. Maybe a thing or two will make me happy! More than the academics, I want them to learn how to survive life, how to win at everything (this is impossible though!), and how to battle life's suckiest things by being a good warrior of life! <3 I love you, students! Please endure me for 4 more months! 

Love,

Teacher D