Not Having You Here Yet

Today feels like just any other day. I wake up, grab a cup of coffee, take a shower, get dressed, and head to work. I do that every single day since I got this job. I enjoy what I do. I learn, I experience new things, and I get to know new people. When the day is done, I will pack my things, head out of the office, walk my way home while listening to Sara Bareilles, get my comfy sleepwear, cook dinner, watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S., have my quiet time, drink a cup of tea, and go to sleep. Other days, I get messages from friends asking me to hang out, my cousins asking how I was because we haven't seen each other for about a month already, and my parents wondering what I would really like to do for the rest of my life. But most days, I get none. Not that I am complaining or whatever, because they are busy too, for sure. But you see, this is how I get through life day by day. Sometimes, it feels lonely to have no one around who will ask how my day was after a long day at work, to have an inbox full of reminders from my boss, to have a bed full of pillows to hug instead of you, to eat dinner alone, and to go to bed all cuddled up by my fluffy blanket instead of your hug. You see, this is how it feels like not having you here yet. I will wake up tomorrow without any sight of you and I'll be just fine, but it would be better if you were there to greet me 'good morning' together with a cup of coffee. I could eat out alone, which I always do, but it would be better ordering for two and having the other chair faced in front of me taken by you. Not having you yet is answering "no, that seat is not taken" to the guy who would ask if he can grab the empty chair so he can sit beside his girlfriend. It's going to bed at night waiting for my thoughts to make me fall asleep rather than having you humming lullabies to me. It's saying "ticket for one to this movie, please" every time I would go see a movie. It's planning a weekend get away for one or sometimes, with friends, if they are free. It's walking on my way home and wishing someone was holding my hand. It's getting on that bus and sitting on an empty chair while leaving the seat beside me available, it should have been you, but you're not here yet. Some days, I get by just fine, but other days, I get sad. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy myself, I enjoy my company, I like being alone, I like going out alone, but sometimes I just want someone to be there. Someone who would hold me, who would give me the last piece of his pizza, who would always start and end my day with a smile, who would argue with me and then make up the same day because we would not want to lose each other, who would pray for me, who would always make sure I get home safe, who would send me funny videos that he knows will cheer me up when I'm having a bad day, who would plan vacations for the both of us, who would take wacky photos with me because I look good doing those rather than being classy, who would remind me how beautiful life is, who would listen to the songs I love, who would watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. with me, who would make me listen to the songs he love, who would open up his world to me, who would go to church with me, and someone who would accept me for being an average-looking girl that he happens to love. I can get by and do all these things by myself, sure. But isn't it more fun if you were here? Not having you here yet is like Joey not having his favorite sandwich at the end of a bad day, it's sad and frustrating. Not having you here yet is doing all the things I want to do all by myself, but wishing someone was there to listen to all my stories. Not having you here yet is like living in a monochrome world, everything looks nice, sure, but wouldn't they be nicer if I get to see them in their glorious colors? This is how it feels like to not have you here yet; completely incomplete, but still getting by.