NEW YEAR '16-'17

New Year's Eve tonight and 2017 is just around the corner. Wow! Time flies really fast. On the first quarter of this year, I was just a college student and graduated months after and wow, look where I am now. Haha! I never thought all these moments could happen in just a year. I am overwhelmed with all the blessings, breakthroughs, and challenges. I am amazed by the grace of God and His overwhelming love. There are so many things I am thankful for and things/people I want to leave behind before 2017 starts. This year, I conquered my 2nd mountain, graduated from college, went through heartbreak after another, shaved my hair, got stronger, got to know myself more, got to love myself more, appreciated the people around me, started to give importance to the things that matter, left my comfort zone and decided to volunteer in Davao Oriental, and now I feel like a new person all over again. This year is tough, but I am tougher, and God surely is the toughest. It's crazy how fast a year can change a person and I'm glad it's that way. 💕 To the people who have been with me this year, thank you. I am more than grateful that you have been with me throughout my 2016 journey. You are all a blessing. 💜 To the people who chose to leave, for whatever reason it is, I do respect it. I just hope you are doing well in life and achieving the things you have always wanted to achieve. To the people whom I may never see again for the rest of my life, it was nice meeting you this year and though we will never see each other again 'till another lifetime, please do know that I am happy I got to know you. To the people I did wrong, I am terribly sorry for the things I did and please believe me when I say that I have already learned my lesson. Thanks for the memories. To the people who have done me wrong, forgiving is kind of easy, but forgetting is another kind of obstacle I still have to get through. To the people who chose to love me and accept me as a crazy being I am, thank you with all my heart. I don't know why you still love me, but I'm glad you do because I love you too. 💜😉 Goodbye, 2016! Hey 2017, you better get ready because I am all set for your ups and downs. 💪

PS: Darating na ba si "the one" next year, Lord? 🙊😩

To The Next Man Who Will Love Me

Sorry. I think I am going to take awhile before I can finally present myself to you. I have been trying for years to be the perfect one and just lately I realized that I don't have to be perfect and I don't have to be perfect for someone so I am now rebuilding myself, picking everything up again, and prioritizing the things and people that matter. I am actually excited to meet you, be with you, love you, and marry you. I am excited for everything that we could be. But while you are not here, I hope you don't mind if I go out, no, not to meet other boys, but to go out there and travel the world. I hope you don't mind if sometimes I don't like socializing and would rather choose to stay inside my room and just watch movies & random videos all night long. I hope you don't mind if I don't wear makeup on and yes, I don't like dressing up too. I hope you don't mind seeing me in my jeans, shirt & sneakers. I hope you don't mind my curly and wavy hair. I hope you don't mind my too big hips and my flat-chested boobs. I hope you don't mind the way I walk and the way I talk because sometimes I talk non-sense, well, maybe most of the time and sometimes I throw my punchlines wrong. I also hope that you don't mind my choice of music, and the way I sing out of tune to every music that plays on the radio. I hope you don't mind that sometimes I eat too much. Hey, I love food! I hope you don't find it weird when I squeal every time I see puppies and dogs!! Please don't find it weird if I want to hug you after a fight or sometimes I just want to stay quiet and not talk to you for hours.

More than these, I hope that you don't mind me texting you at 3 AM saying "Hey, I know you're sleeping, but I just want to say I love you. Sleep tight." or sometimes... "Trump/Duterte sucks!!!"
I hope you don't mind me taking photographs of you while you're sleeping or driving or watching TV or just LITERALLY WHEN YOU'RE DOING THINGS AND YOU'RE JUST BEING YOU. I hope you don't mind me taking selfies with you. I hope you don't find it weird when I call you nicknames only the two of us will know, lol. I hope you don't find me weird worshiping and raising my hands while singing at church. I hope you find it okay if I comfort you with Bible verses because sometimes those are what you really will need. I hope you don't mind if I get too close with your siblings because all my life, I never had one. I hope you'll like my poems, essays, and blog entries about you. I hope you'll appreciate my little victories and cheer me up when I get sad. I hope you'll like my taste of music, movies, and books! But it's okay if not! But at least respect my choices! Haha! :D (to be continued)

Teacher D: Cheating?!

I was once a student. I know how it feels not being able to study for the upcoming exam. I know how it feels to be unprepared for the exam. I know the anxiousness, difficulty, and the challenge. It's hard, I must admit. Well, I also cheated, one way or another. (peace) =)) But hey, I have a funny story to tell about my student so keep reading! :D

While making the test questionnaires for my students, there is only one thing in my mind: I HOPE MY STUDENTS DON'T CHEAT. I DON'T CARE IF THEY FAIL MY EXAM, AS LONG AS THEY DO NOT CHEAT. 

Come exam day, and voila! I caught almost 5 students cheating. It's hard to deal with because I don't know if I should call them out right then and there or should I just talk to them right after the exam? I chose to not do anything with it. Weak, I know. I let it pass. I realized that it has been done already and I cannot do anything about it anymore, but I promised myself the next time I caught them cheating, I won't let them get away. 

So here's the funny story. =)) While I was checking their papers, one paper caught my attention. Aside from the fact that my student failed, he also wrote something on the paper.

Translation

(I just copied my answers on Test 1. I said this because you are too kind, ma'am. I am not saying this in the hopes that you will give me higher grades, but I am saying this because I am comfortable with you. If you read this, for sure you'd be laughing.)

I just can't. =)) He's way too honest to even confess his cheating! I understood him. I thank him for being honest. The day after, I talked to him and told him that I appreciate his honesty although there's no changing that he failed and he cheated, I told him that his honesty will take him a long way. I also thanked him for telling such things. I also assured him that the next time he cheats, he won't get away with just one simple message. :D

I really appreciate him though. At least his conscience spoke to him and made him admit his fault. At the end of the day, what would matter most is the integrity, the heart and the character. And I know, this kid will go a long way! God bless him. <3

TEACHER D: Teaching

I am now teaching here! Wow! Words can't express how thankful I am! Now, words can't express how tired I am. :( Loljk! But hey! This is really nice! I get to teach students computer! :D I'm teaching Empowerment Technology to Senior High School students and Computer subject for grades 4, 5, 6, & 7. :)

I hope to impart something to them. Maybe a thing or two will make me happy! More than the academics, I want them to learn how to survive life, how to win at everything (this is impossible though!), and how to battle life's suckiest things by being a good warrior of life! <3 I love you, students! Please endure me for 4 more months! 

Love,

Teacher D

WORK!

I've got works to do!! Woohoo! Can't believe I'm already here in Cateel, Davao Oriental for a month now! How time flies. :( Right now, electricity is not available in the area. As much as I want to blog about the things I do, I can't. I'm really hoping to post things soon so I can share them with all of you! Being a volunteer is tough. Thank God for the strength!

This Gift of Freedom Gold Can't Buy

Leaving for Davao now! I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I am in the point wherein I nearly want to back out, suddenly I want to quit! But no! I'm just nervous. I'm just nervous. I honestly can't wait to be in there and immerse myself. I can't wait to finally see and feel what and who God wants me to be. I want to feel Him there. I want to be with Him there, everyday. As what my favorite song says, come sweep me up in Your love again, Lord!

Inspired to do everything now!! Thank you, Lord! :) I wanna impact the lives of other people in my own little way with the help of God's love. <3

Going vegan

                                           

Considering going vegan!! I'm like 80% sure that I want to! But...where do I start? How do I start? I badly want to do that. But I guess I might have to change my habits first. Like...waking up late? Haha because I guess going vegan means cooking your own food so it's fresh and all natural, I might have to wake up earlier than usual to prepare? I guess so. Hahaha but I'm slowly starting to eat more vegetables now though I have not eaten any fruits until now...wait, we have green apples here :)) So tell me vegan friends, how do I start the vegan lifestyle? Any easy recipes? With ingredients that can be found here in the Philippines please hahaha thanks!

SHAVED!

Aaaaah! Feels good! I feel good to finally let go of my top burden since high school! My damaged hair due to straightening chemicals! I used to hate my curly and buhaghag (what's the english equivalent of this word lol) hair back then, and so, I would always go to the salon every 6 months to get my hair straightened until one day, it got so dry, damaged, frizzy, and, uhm, disgusting. lol I got so insecure that I opted to the ponytail trend everyday and would just let my hair down before going to bed and make sure that I do first thing in the morning is to bun my hair and make sure that no one would see me with my disgusting damaged hair :( Then, I learned about Alopecia. I have known this before through TV interviews I have seen with women having Alopecia. I have always wondered how it feels like. Seeing your hair slowly drifting away from you and not knowing when it would grow back or will it ever grow back? I felt like I have to do something. I need to do something. I thought that shaving my head is the answer! It's a win-win situation though! I get to get rid of this hair and I get to help for #AlopeciaAwareness too! And so I did! And I have never felt more brave! I have never felt more alive and weightless! Haha!

LEARNING:

Alopecia is a type of hair loss that damages not only the head, but also the emotions of both men and women who suffer from this hair loss. It affects their self-esteem and their perception about life. But hey, we are all still beautiful. With or without the hair! Smiling and acceptance is the key! :) Love you all!!

#AlopeciaAwareness

FUTURE WEDDING VOW (to be edited in the near future lol)

My dearest __________,


First of all, congratulations to the both of us. (lol)  I may not know all the things that you have been through to get to this day, but I want you to know that I have been through something too before I even met you. And I must say you are worth it and you will always be worth it. There have been a time when I almost gave up on the idea of falling in-love again and getting married and having a family because I thought men were just all the same. BUT the idea of you even though I don't know who you were back then, gave me hope. God reminded me that my Boaz is patiently waiting for me and if I were to give up back then, I would not have met my poging-poging Boaz! :) We both waited for each other and with that, I want to congratulate the both of us, yey!

Second, thank you. Thank you for saving me from the questions of people around me that goes "tomboy ka ba?" kasi nga, ang tagal kong walang boyfriend! You have saved me!! (lol) And syempre, thank you for saving me from my own thoughts na hindi na ako magkaka-asawa, na wala nang magmamahal sa akin, na wala nang magkaka-gusto sa akin. Thank you for giving me this chance to love and to be loved, but this time the true kind of love, the God kind of love. Thank you for accepting me - my flaws; my opinions; my passion; my mood swings; my paglalambing; my weirdness; my humor (na minsan di mo ma-gets kasi ako rin di ko ma-gets hahaha); and syempre thank you for accepting my family and friends. Thank you for waiting for the right time, for the right person, for this moment. Also, thank you for bringing me closer to God.

Third, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I took so long. I'm sorry I wasn't there when I should have been. I'm sorry for taking care of myself first before finally presenting myself to you. Worth it naman diba? Haha!

As your wife-to-be, minutes from now, I promise to choose and love you every day. I will forever choose us, choose you, choose love. I promise to trust you, to take care of you, and be the wife God desires me to be, every day.

______, I love you. I prayed for you, I prayed for this and I will continue to do so. You were more than what I had hoped for. You are the answer to my prayers. I love you.

FORGETTING

I always hated the thought of having to forget something that really made an impact in my life, specifically, something that really hurt me. I mean who the hell in the world would forget something that hurt them deeply? That is almost impossible, freaking impossible. How could I forget the pain; the times I cried in the bathroom floor, on the bed, inside the cinema; that crumbling feeling every time I hear them say your name; hearing your voice every now and then; seeing you happy while I am still trying to convince myself that I. HAVE. TO. FORGET.

I was six years old back then, when I started sneaking out of the house to get away from Nanay and play with my friends outside 'til sunset. I got my strategy from you. You even carry me with you whenever you would go visit your girlfriend back then. I used to be so happy with you. You were like my little happy pill. You were like my escape from the sad world. I adored you. Every inch of you.

I was eight or nine back then, when you broke up with your girlfriend who, let me say, is the most beautiful human being I have ever seen in my life (from looks to character, man, she was irreplaceable) and that was the second time I knew that boys really do break hearts. The first time I knew this was when dad cheated on mom and wow, you did the same thing with your then girlfriend. I saw her cried her eyes out at the corner of our street. It was dark, and the lights that she only has were from the cars passing by. She was crying intensely and you went up to her and made her feel more like a crap because you effin' shouted at her while asking why she's crying. Congrats.

I was ten when I saw you stealing food from the refrigerator (shallow, I know) and you know what, I did not care at all, but I knew that was not supposed to be done. This was also the time that you said goodbye to me and treated me to a fancy restaurant because you had to go out of the country for work. And hey, I wrote a letter for you with crappy penmanship and all, lol.

I was twelve when I first saw your girlfriend who was the replacement of your ex. She was pretty cool, yeah. This was also the time when you first saw me holding hands with my first boyfriend while walking down the street. Damn, you acted like my dad which was kinda cool and terrifying at the same time. I let it pass. I got more rebellious in my own way.

Fast forward to this day. When I saw everything. Heard everything. And felt everything. Too much damage had been done that I cannot put into details anymore because it hurts me every time I remember. My mind have turned into a series of flashbacks every time I walk past the places where tragedies happened. I did not know it back then. I did not know it would make such an impact on me. Up until now. So tell me, how do I forget these?

Maybe I won't.  Maybe I will never ever forget these, both the good and the bad. Maybe these memories were bound to be with me for the rest of my life. Maybe I am the problem after all. Maybe it was not you. Although it was really you, but I have myself to blame. I have kept this pain for so long. They grew and became anger and hatred. I blame myself for not letting all these go easily. I regret not dealing with this pain earlier because honestly, it kills me up until now. Maybe I do not have to forget the memories after all, and maybe I have to change the way I see it now and the way I feel about it.

How I wish this island in my mind (just like how Inside Out did it) would just sink. How I wish everything would just fade. I wish I never have to get through this. I wish I never have to revisit the memories and feel the pain all over again. How I wish it would just be for a split second before I can finally forget you and the memories.

I will be okay. I know I will be okay. I have to be.

HINDI KA NAMAN NAWALA

Kaibigan,
Ako ay iyong nilisan na
Naalala ko pa iyong isang araw na
Hinatid mo ako pauwi
Habang nagku-kwento ka tungkol sa pag-ibig mong sawi
Nagsalita ka nang nagsalita
Nakinig lang ako
Pero hindi ko napakinggan kung ano talaga ang ibig sabihin mo
Sana'y nakinig pa ako nang mas maigi
Sana'y tinignan kita sa mata habang nagsasalita ka
Para mas naintidihan kita
Hindi ko lubos mawari na hindi na ulit kita masisilayan
Hindi ko lubos maisip na hindi na kita makakausap pang muli
Naririnig ko pa rin ang boses mo
Dama ko pa rin ang haplos mo
Malinaw pa sa utak ko ang ngiti mo
Hindi ko maiwasang maluha
Tuwing naririnig ko ang paborito mong kanta
Nangingiti ako tuwing nakikita ko ang paborito mong inumin
Natatawa ako tuwing nababasa ko ang mga pag-uusap natin
Pero hindi na katulad ng dati
Naririnig ko ang boses mo pero may kirot
Nadarama ko ang haplos mo pero may lungkot
Malinaw pa sa utak ko ang ngiti mo pero masakit
Hindi ka naman nawala
Kasi nandito ka pa
Nandito ka pa sa isip at puso ko
Ihatid mo ako ulit
Samahan mo ulit akong maglakad
Kuwentuhan mo ako ulit
Pangako, ako'y makikinig
Hanggang sa muli.

AKO NA ANG NAGSASABI

Hindi mo ako mahal

Baka napapasaya lang kita

Kasi puwede mo akong kausapin

Sa lahat ng bagay 

Tulad ng tama ba ang corporal punishment o hindi?

Sirena ba talaga yung nakita ng mga scientists o joke lang?

Hanggang sa, anong latest music ng banda na 'to

Tapos na-alala ko nga, napunta pa tayo sa usapang UFO at Conspiracy Theory

Nagsasalungat tayo ng mga ideya pero masarap ka pa ring kapalitan ng ideya

Sabi nila, "opposites attract" daw 

Pero baka hanggang attraction lang

Hindi naman lahat ng attraction nagtatagal, diba?

Kaya hindi mo ako mahal

Baka ako lang yung nagkakataon na online 'pag online ka rin

Tapos sakto na-seen ko yung message mo

Tapos ayun, doon na nagsisimula

Stickers, cheesy lines, links sa mga paborito mong kanta at kung anu-ano pa

Nakakakilig, nakakatawa, nakakainis

Pero hindi mo ako mahal

Baka masaya ka lang na may kalandian ka

Ako kasi 'yung tipo ng tao na isang text mo lang, reply agad

'Yung tipo ng tao na kukulitin ka kapag 'di ka na nagre-reply

'Yung tipo ng tao na kapag sinabihan mong "nalulungkot ako. I wanna die."

To the rescue ako para masiguradong okay ka lang

'Yung tipo ng tao na napa-paranoid kapag active ka 1 min. ago tapos 'di ka nag-chat sa akin

'Yung tipo ng tao na iniisip kung magagalit ka ba kapag may sinabi ako

Pero hindi mo ako mahal

Baka ako lang 'yung taong kayang saluhin lahat ng latak sa pagkatao mo

Kapag nagtatampo ka dahil nag-send ako ng jejemon text sa iyo

Kapag naiinis ka dahil nababa ko 'yung tawag mo

Kapag hindi ka mamamansin kasi hindi ako kumain sa tamang oras

Kapag naiinis ka sa pamangkin mo

Kapag nagagalit ka sa nanay mo

Kapag natatawa ka sa mga bagay na seryoso na halos ikamatay ko na kasi ang cool para sa'yo

Pero hindi mo ako mahal

Baka concerned ka lang

Pwede ka naman kasing maging concerned without romantic feelings attached, diba?

Kaya hindi mo ako mahal

Baka na-miss mo lang magkaroon ng girlfriend

Nagkataon, single ako at walang iniintindi

In short, available ako 

Available  na available

Pero hindi mo ako mahal

Ako na mismo ang nagsasabi

Hindi mo ako mahal

Pero baka mahal mo ako

Pero paano kung hindi?

Paano kung oo?

Bakit hindi? Bakit oo?

Mahal mo ba ako?

Mahal mo?

Mahal lang?

Ano ba ang mahal para sa'yo?

Ano ba ang pag-ibig para sa'yo?

Ano ba ako sa'yo?

Ano ba tayo?

May tayo ba?

Baka hindi mo nga talaga ako mahal

Baka nalilito ka lang

Baka importante lang ako

Pero hindi mahal

Hindi mo mahal

Hindi.

I AM NOT GOING TO PURSUE YOU

As a woman full of plans, dignity, love, and self-respect, the last thing that I would want to do is to pursue a guy. Just so we're clear here. Yes, I like you. BUT that does not give you a valid reason for me to pursue you. No, no, no. I told you weeks ago that I do like you and I'm still getting to know you to maybe like you even more. Just that. That is the only thing I can do, no, that is the only thing I want to do. I do not want to look thirsty for you or your attention. Though I must admit, I do like the attention you give me. You told me you love me, that quick. I already had my doubt, but I brushed it off because you may be saying the real thing, and I don't want to judge too quickly.

I need not to tell you this, but if you really love me, wouldn't being consistent a normal thing already? Wouldn't having to call/text me first already a thing? If you really love me, you would pursue me. Not because I told you, not because your mom said so, not because it is the norm, but because you love me. You would pursue me in your most modest and sincere way possible. You would pursue me because you make me wanna feel needed and loved. You would pursue me because you do not want me going anywhere, you don't want me being with someone else because you love me. You would pursue me because you do not want me begging for your attention and love all the time. You would pursue me because I am worth it. I should be worth it. I should be worth pursuing for.

I am not gonna pursue you because I have set my standards already. It is all clear to me that if a guy do not pursue you then, the problem's not with you, it's with him. I am not gonna pursue you because for the first time in my life, I wanna feel the feeling of being pursued. I am not gonna pursue you because for all its sake, I am still young and if you are not going to pursue me then I am confident that someone out there would do. I am not gonna pursue you because I already told you I like you and if I did not make myself clear to you that I am open to date you and that a little pursuing and getting-to-know-you days are all I need then, I don't know what will. I am not gonna pursue you because I know my worth and if I have to pursue you for you to see my worth, forget it, I don't need you.

So, let me tell you this,

I like you.

But I am not going to pursue you.

2015 TAUGHT ME

1. Never ever ever EXPECT. People can disappoint. I mean, I get disappointed with myself too so yeah.

2. You don't get to decide people's lives and their actions towards a situation. We are individuals.

3. Being selfish is okay especially if you always give yourself to people most of the time.

4. Always find time to be alone with you and your thoughts. 

5.  Do not give up on people easily. Make sure you have given your all before doing so.

6. Coffee sometimes may fail you.

7. School is not everything so are your grades.

8. Being fat is a choice. Make sure you are happy with what you choose.

9. Dogs are cute. Yes.

10. It is never too late to start something new.

11. Giving up some acad night to meet up with your friends at least once in a week is actually a good thing.

12. Isaw is love. <3

13. Lay's is again super love. <3

14. Always staying up late is not a good thing after all.

15. Looks are looks until you get to know the person.

16. Family should never be forgotten.

17. An escape from the noise of the city is a must at least once a year.

18. Watching cooking shows actually make me eat more. Deeeyyyum

19. Sam Concepcion is still handsome and talented.

20. Mornings are beautiful, but no. Still not a morning person.

21. Watching in movie houses alone is therapeutic.

22. Watching a concert alone is therapeutic too!

23. Keeping a planner does not help you sometimes.

24. Money can buy you something, but not everything.

25. Thoughtcatalog articles may break or make you.

26. You have to delete files on your computer. 

27. Pampering yourself is also a must. 

28. It's all in the mind.
29. People will change right after they saw how much their dumbness made a bad impact on you. Sometimes, it'll be too late, but hey, they still changed for the better so yeah, congrats!
30. Confronting people are the best way to get through the issue. Let's talk it out!
31. Boys will be boys. Men are matured boys.
32. You don't always have to do the first step.
33. Boys will self-pity to make you feel that they badly need your love. Men will show you how to love without sacrificing their self-esteem.
34. Happiness is a choice. Joy is always there, you just got to turn her on.
35. First, second, and third tries after that, rest. Then, get back up.
36. ALWAYS. DELETE. UNNECESSARY. FILES. ON. YOUR. DESKTOP. NOW.
37. It's hard to listen to that song because you have your own story behind it. So, don't incorporate beautiful, wholeheartedly written songs to your unstable relationship with a very unstable guy. It hurts.
38. 'I love you' can be said in different ways. It's up to you to notice it.
39. Never underestimate the power of random compliments, unplanned dates, awkward hugs, cheesy romantic lines, unexpected sweet messages, and incomparable exchange of laughs.
40. Eat right.
41. Always have a goal, no matter how dark and nonsense it is. Always have a goal.
42. Don't hold back your tears.
43. Quality over quantity. This one applies almost to everything!
44. Disconnect once in awhile from the internet and see what you have been missing in the real world.
45. A love of a mother is unconditional. Always unconditional.
46. If it hurts, sleep. If it still hurts in the morning you wake up, well at least, you slept. Lol
47. Fancy restaurants sometimes do not offer the best food in town. Make sure to check out the busy, dirty, and crowded side of the town for best food!
48. Christmas is more than giving things. It's also the season to let go people, memories, and feelings.
49. New Year is an indication that you made it. Congrats!
50. Life is indeed perfectly flawed.