Hey, Ocean

You know that feeling when you dip your feet into the ocean not knowing how deep it is? All you know is you want to do that, you want your feet to feel the water because why not? It sounds cool, it looks relaxing. Then, you don't realize how deep you have been. You've been very far from the shore and too far from the end, is there even an end? This is both deep and wide. How am I gonna make it out alive in the ocean? So I learned to swim. I've learned that it's fine to compromise sometimes. I swim, but the waves are unpredictable sometimes. For many times now, I've been swimming while this ocean keeps on throwing waves, but no, I do not give up because I did this first. I dipped my toes first so I have to accept this. I have to accept the fact that this ocean can bring me both pain and struggle and happiness in between. So I've become a great swimmer by now. I can now conquer this ocean's big waves, hell yeah, I even go above its waves. I'm doing great, I'm doing fine, I'm enjoying. Then suddenly, this unpredictable ocean with its unpredictable waves threw a big time wave. I saw it fast approaching right in front of me. I have nothing. I only have myself. Here it comes, here it comes. As it gets nearer to me, I start to think on why I did this first. Why did I even dipped my toes in this ocean? Why did I want to be in the ocean in the first place? I was doing fine without it. I was doing fine in the sand, why the hell risk my life here? Then boom! I've been hit. Where am I? The wave's done damaging me. Am I underwater? Was I thrown away into the shore? Am I still in the middle of the ocean? Is it calm now? The waves? Yes, it's done. Now, I've realized how big this ocean's wave can be. So I start swimming to go back to the shore, because that's where I belong in the first place. Hurry, I have to go back there before the next big wave comes. I got this. Now keep swimming. Swim with all my might to go back to the shore. I don't belong in the middle of the ocean. I don't deserve its waves. I've managed to conquer its waves, but no. Not all the time these waves can be managed, sometimes these waves can get bigger than me and then bigger and then bigger until I can't carry it anymore so I have no choice, I have to go back to the shore. I'm done with all these. I'm too tired conquering the waves, I'm too tired. You have always been the ocean and I have always been the swimmer. I need rest, even swimmers rest. Your waves never seem to rest and I don't know what to do anymore. So I'll be leaving. I'll be.